Unhooked Ep. 35 – The One You Feed

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You're listening to Unhooked the Breaking Porn Addiction Podcast on today's episode, A story that has the power to transform your life, and it is a story that changed my life when I heard it. It's the story of the two wolves, so stay tuned.

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So welcome ladies and gentlemen to another episode of Unhooked. I'm your host, Jeremy Lipkowitz, and I hope that this message finds you in good spirits today. Today's going to be a short episode. But before we dive into the content for today, I just wanna make a quick announcement, uh, a quick celebration really to share with you all that this podcast has just hit the 25,000 download mark, 25,000 downloads.

It's, you know, again, so surreal for me to. See how much this podcast is growing, how much it's resonating with people out there. Uh, this is something that was on the back burner for so long and at some point, you know, it just kind of went for it and decided to start the podcast. And the reception has just blown me away.

You know, so many people that are finding it organically. Um, people that are, are listening to it and leaving reviews and, uh, it, it really just. You know, warms my heart to know that you guys are appreciating this podcast, uh, and that it's getting out there. So big celebration today for the Unhooked podcast, hitting that 25,000 downloads mark, and I'm sure that in no time we will we'll be hitting a hundred k and a million is not too far off.

So thank you to all of you who are listening. It really means a lot. So now let's dive into the content for today, which is just a short little story that I remember hearing, you know, in my own journey of growth. Uh, I remember actually the first time I heard it, I think was on a meditation retreat. And this is said to be an old Native American parable, but I actually kind of looked into it and it might be one of those, um, misappropriations where they say it's, you know, it's, Ancient African proverb or ancient Native American folk tale, and it turns out it's not.

But wherever it's from, it is a powerful message. And this is the story of the two wolves. And so it goes something like this. There was an old Cherokee teaching his grandson about life, and he says to his grandson, there's a fight going on inside of me. It is a terrible fight. And it is between two wolves.

One wolf is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other wolf is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, and compassion. The same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too. Now the grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked the grandfather, which wolf will win, and the old Cherokee simply replied, the one you feed.

Now, I remember the time I heard this because it just felt so, you know, it just resonated so much with the idea behind it, which is. So often we get these kind of Disney fairytale things like, oh, okay, the, the good wolf is always going to win. But that's not true. You know, it's not true that our better nature will always come out and win, or, you know, come out on top.

The truth is, is that it's up to us, which Wolf will win. It is up to us which wolf we are going to feed. And we can spend our whole life feeding things like anger and greed and arrogance and resentment, or we can take time in our life to feed the good qualities. Things like humility and kindness and empathy and truth and compassion.

And this, this concept that it is so important that we have to recognize it is up to us. It is the ones that we are feeding. That will ultimately win. And the power of this parable comes on multiple levels. And so I want to talk about the two different levels that it works on. The first level that it's working on is what stories are we feeding about our life?

You know, what stories about ourself and about our situation are we buying into? For example, one story that might be common for yourself, and it's common for many people struggling with addiction or bad habits, are stories like, I'm broken, I'm unlovable. I'm not good enough the way that I am. If people knew the truth about me, they wouldn't love me.

These are stories that we are feeding. With what we're doing with our thoughts, you know, our habits, so to just pay attention to what stories you're feeding on. The flip side of that are stories like, I'm worthy, you know, I'm attractive, I'm lovable. I am resilient. I am worthy of love and respect. I am worthy of these friends.

I am powerful. I am more powerful than my addiction. You know, these again, are stories, so to understand what stories we're feeding. There might also be stories around victimhood, you know, the victim mentality versus taking ownership so we can be pointing the finger and blaming other people and saying, well, it's not my fault, or, I'm this way because of how somebody treated me in the past.

Or, we can take responsibility, we can take ownership of our life. So this is the first level that it plays on, on the stories that we are feeding, the stories that we're buying into. But another level that this, this story, this parable is so powerful at is on the neurological level, on the neural level.

And this is something that really changed my life when I started learning about neuroplasticity and I started learning about how what we think and do and even what we're paying attention to is changing the structure and function of our brain. That because of neuroplasticity, you know, we are actually creating and hardwiring different neural pathways on a, on a physiological level.

What's happening is we're actually increasing the strength of the synaptic connections, meaning that it's easier for these neurons to fire across their synapsis. It's easier for these neural pathways to fire up. So to be clear on this, what we're talking about is. What mental qualities are we strengthening?

You know, what mental qualities are we cultivating in our life? So for example, the bad wolf is mental qualities like lust and anger and hatred and self-judgment. These are neural pathways in the mind. And this was important for me because I recognized when I became aware of my addiction that every time I.

Logged onto a porn website. You know, every night that I did that and looked at porn for half an hour or an hour, I was strengthening the neural pathways of lust. I was feeding the wolf of lust and that wolf was growing stronger to the point where that wolf was dominating every other aspect of my life.

The wolf that just wanted sends pleasure and you know, was lusting after attractive women. On the flip side, the good wolf was we can cultivate mental qualities or neural pathways for things like patience, contentment, equanimity, kindness, gratitude. You know, these are neural pathways that we can strengthen with our attention and it's really, it's a choice between do we want to cultivate or feed mind states that lead to suffering, or do we want to cultivate mind states that lead to inner peace.

This is the battle that's going on is, you know, we get a choice in which wolf we're feeding. So again, just be very aware, be very mindful. What stories are you feeding? What videos and media are you consuming that are feeding these different wolves? And on a moment to moment basis, what mental qualities are you cultivating with your thoughts and your actions and your behaviors?

You are feeding different wolves, and this is, you know, we also get this saying from the Buddha what you think you become. The more often you say you think certain mental. You know, types of thoughts, the stronger those pathways become and you become, that becomes your nature. Those mental qualities become habitual.

So for me, lust had become habitual, but it might also be greed or arrogance or hatred or envy or jealousy or self-judgment. Just understanding what you think you become, the wolf that you feed becomes stronger. So that is it for today. Just some food for thought here on this Wednesday afternoon. And again, I, you know, whether you're struggling with porn addiction, social media addiction, or anything else, you know, what are you feeding in your life?

What wolves are you feeding? Are you feeding the wolf that needs external validation? Are you feeding the wolf that says you're not good enough as you are? Are you feeding the wolf that looks in the mirror and doesn't like what you see? So just be aware, okay, what are you feeding? Because it is up to you.

We can't just rely on trusting that things are going to work out. They're not. You have to look at what you're feeding. I want to take a moment to just say, if you are looking for support, you know, if you are looking for help in breaking free from your addiction, reach out to me and inquire about my coaching.

You know, this is something that I help people with. It's. It's, I love what I get to do with working with people one-on-one because we get to go deep. You know, we dive deeply into each person's story, you know, what their habits are and how to break free. So if you are interested in getting that direct one-on-one support, then go to my website, the links are down in the show notes and sign up for a free discovery call.

So that is it for today. If you would like to support this podcast, please just hit the follow or subscribe buttons. Or also consider leaving a review down at the bottom, whether you're on Spotify, apple, or any of the other podcast platforms. And with that, I'll catch you on the next episode. I.